Author(s): Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman

Humour

A 'Not Missing Yet' sign informs neighbours that dog is not missing. Some trainers call this precaution unnecessary. We say: It couldn't hurt. Finally! The dog training techniques and tips developed by the renowned Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary are available in book form. Look out, monks. Step aside, whisperer. Rabbi Monica and Rabbi Alan show, step by step, how you can use guilt, shame, passive aggression, sarcasm and Conditional Unconditional Love to create an unbreakable bond with your dog. It's all here, including: - The five ways of commanding 'Sit!' ('What, would it kill you to sit down for one lousy second?') - A useful list of Advanced Commands ('Don't stare at Cousin Edith's hair when she comes over.') - How to use Situational Martyrdom when the dog disobeys ('Fine. Do what you want. I hope you have a nice life.') The rabbis have been training dogs - and their owners - for 20 years. Now they bring the fruits of their vast experience to dog owners everywhere. And the best part? You don't have to be Jewish to benefit from the programme. Just neurotic. Or crazy about your dog.